The Wanderer's Site

It's been more than a year since my last post. Unfortunately, I am posting now with the same sentiments. Never did I think that I would feel the same pain when I open up this blog again.

I remember planning to use this as my practice area for English and communications. I don't know if it has served me for those purposes, but as far as my second day of judgment is concerned, it did nothing. I took the exam again, and failed again. Now, I am more disheartened. My second failure is so much more painful than the first one. I felt that I've given it my hardest blow--a blow which is far harder than the first time I took it. In comparison, I can say that I nearly totally depended on positive thinking during my first take, while during my second take, though may review was far from perfectly adequate, I can say that it's more serious, and I gained more from it. And I would say that if I've had the guts to expect to pass during my first take, then it's more reasonably acceptable that I expected to pass during my second take. But to my dismay, I still didn't pass.

What's more gruelling is that people who I know who also took the exam passed. And I feel that it really tells me something about my aptitude. People say that it really doesn't define who I am. And they all say that it doesn't matter where I go. But for me, if it doesn't matter, then why does it matter to many people and why can't I get it if it's just a small part of my intelligence? I hate to blame it to divine intervention, but I can't find anything to blame it to. I've done my part. And nothing seemed wrong. But why did I fail it? I want to understand. Why?