The Wanderer's Site

The moment that I have been waiting for has finally come. The results of my second day of judgment were released. Sadly, I did not make it. Now, it's really breaking my heart.

I do not want to be bitter about this. But I have spent so much time preparing for it. I have used it as my only reason for celebration. I have depended on it so much. I was actually expecting that this would be my moment to talk to my favorite teacher. I have even made this as a reason for her and my family and other friends to be proud of me. That's why, while I was preparing for it, I did everything I could. But still, I didn't pass. What's wrong with me? Why didn't I pass? Am I really that dumb or stupid? I have given it so much effort and prayers, but still, nothing happened.  I do not want to blame God about this. But why didn't He listen to my prayers. This meant so much for me. But why can't He be generous to me about it? He had seen how much I prepared for it. Does He really understand what this means for me. I have already told Him that I would keep my feet on the ground once I passed. But why didn't He care? Why doesn't He want to give me that opportunity? He has given opportunity to people whom He knew have better resources than I do. And besides, He knew that this would be my last resort and last escape after what had happened to me in the office. I am so down.

Can't I have another chance? Now, I'm waiting for a miracle. I hope there would be an addition to the results, just like last year. But I'm in doubt it would happen. I wanna stop breathing because of this. I can't see where I'm heading right now.  But I do hope that it's just a reminder for me to wait. I do hope that I can still go there. I hope that God is just telling me to wait just like the job opportunity that I started waiting for in 2008. I just hope it wouldn't take that long.