The Wanderer's Site

As I am becoming more nervous about my second day of judgment, I have noticed that I am performing less at work. And now that I only have 5 whole days and 6 nights before that day, I felt lazier and more worried. It's as if my body is in the office, performing some mechanical tasks, but my mind is somewhere else, focused on my second day of judgment and my preparations for it. It's as if I don't like to work. And so it lead me to reading stuff from the Internet.

As I was reading, I came across an article about daydreaming. What made this appeal to me is that the situations described in the article are mostly familiar to me. Actually, I am experiencing those. The article describes a condition wherein a better self is created by an individual in his daydreaming. It is called maladaptive daydreaming.

I realized that the symptoms and conditions discussed in the article are also true to me. I know that nothing is wrong with me, but I haven't had the guts to share it to anyone. I wasn't actually afraid of it, because it satifies me, even just in daydreaming. But of course, I haven't told anyone about my fantasies and imaginations. I am afraid that they would laugh at me and my dreams would not come true, which will make me more embarrassed and disappointed.

Sometimes, I feel that this condition is helpful to me. It helps me to strive hard in order to achieve the self I have created in my imaginations.It gives me a picture of who I really want to be, and in reality I try to act the way I want others to see me. No, it's not trying to be who I am not. It's trying to make myself better.

Most of the time, the scenarios that I have daydreamed of include my Lola and our other relatives, my favorite teacher, some of my friends, and the people I do not like. Most of the time, the scenes I have imagined portray me as a winner-- my loved ones are all around me, very proud and happy for me, and the people I don't like end up as losers. And now that I barely have five days before my second day of judgment, my daydreaming has gone as far as ending up successful with that second ordeal, with my favorite teacher, family and closest friends very proud of me, and my enemies/haters couldn't say anything. Though, I had never imagined a scenario wherein I did things to my enemies that will really make them suffer. They simply do not win in my dreams.

Sometimes though, I am worried that I am alone in this condition and my daydreaming would hinder me in accomplishing my tasks and goals. I am also worried that it will consume my time and energy. But at least, now I understand this condition better, and I know that I am not the only one who experiences this. Thanks to Amanda Schupak for writing an article about this.

For those who would like to read the article, here are the links:

http://www.youbeauty.com/mind/maladaptive-daydreaming

http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/daydreams-dont-stop-strange-true-condition-130800916.html