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Mia's Debut

Posted by ayeshajaafar on November 12, 2012 at 8:55 PM Comments comments (0)

Last Saturday, I attended the 18th birthday celebration of Mia. She was a student at the Malayan High School of Science, where I was a librarian for two years.


At first, I thought I would not enjoy the party. Of course, when I was invited and informed that the other students were also attending it, I was excited. But there was still that awkward feeling of being out of place. But to my surprise, I enjoyed the party. It was not a traditional debut wherein there are the traditional "18 roses and 18 candles". There were still the 18s but there was a twist. The ambience was also formal but it's not the type that would make you feel left out and awkward. I felt so flattered that Mia chose me as one of those who would give her 18 book quotes. I was the first one to give my piece, and I could say that Mia liked what I said.


What made the night even more exciting for me is that it seemed like a reunion for the Malayans. My other "kids" were also there. We threw jokes at each other, had pictures together and ate together. We shared our whereabouts. I suddenly felt nostalgic after it. I feel like going back to that school, in my old office. I realized that I miss them so much.


How I wish we could have more time like that. When we meet again, we would do the things that we used to do in Malayan. We would laugh, talk about television series and do other stuff that we used to do as Malayans.

My Second Day of Judgment

Posted by ayeshajaafar on October 30, 2012 at 9:30 PM Comments comments (0)

As my second day of judgment approaches, I am becoming more nervous to face it. Now I know that for sure, this isn't going to be easier than my first one.

What makes me more nervous about it is that in my preparation times, I realize that I have not gained so much. I get very disappointed each time I evaluate my performance, because I think, I am not learning anything from my activities. I think, I will fail.

But I will still do my best. I really beg God to help me pass this second ordeal. This is the only way I know to pick myself up, give pride to Lola and my other concerned family members and friends, and boost my morale once more.

Please God, help me. Please.

My first day of judgment

Posted by ayeshajaafar on October 23, 2012 at 5:15 AM Comments comments (0)

I am not so happy with my performance on my first day of judgment. I became more nervous and less confident that I would succeed in that ordeal. Actually, I think I will fail. All the while, I thought it will be much easier than the second trial. But definitely, I was wrong. How I wish I did not become over confident before that day. Now, I feel guilty for underestimating its weight and overestimating my capacity. If only I could turn back time, I would really prepare for it more.


But the positive side of it is that I am reminded of the importance of humility. Now that I think I have failed that trial, I will try harder and exert my best effort for my second day of judgment. I will also try my very best to improve on my weak areas during my first day of judgment. So that when the second trial comes, I will be more equipped to face it.


Now I am worried. May God give me a chance. If I succeed in my first day of judgment, I would really not brag about it. And if I succeed in my second trial also, I will still not brag about it. May God really give me a chance. May He recognize my effort and my noble desire for opting to face these trials. May He also give me more strength, humility, intelligence, and alertness.


Please God, give me a chance. Please.

My Days of Judgment

Posted by ayeshajaafar on October 14, 2012 at 11:10 PM Comments comments (0)

As the days which will determine my future approach, I am getting more nervous. I have noticed that I am beginning to pray to God more often to help me during these two days.


My first "day of judgment" will be this Sunday. Though I am quite more nervous about my second "day of judgment" which will be on November 25 this year, than this one, I cannot just sit and do nothing about it. I believe that my first day of judgment will be my best preparation for my second day of judgment. But even if for me, this is just a preparation, I still want to succeed on it. Of course, I do not want to waste this opportunity to prepare and I also do not want to waste the money, time and effort I have invested in it. Plus, this is not just a preparation if you come to think of it. It can help me to become more confident and advance faster. So I really have to do it well.


As to my effort and time of preparing for it, I can say that I have given it my 90% best. I have gathered what I am going to need and really tried my best to look into all of them to prepare. But as to whether what I gathered have really helped me and equipped me for the days, I think I can say that I only gained 45%. I am just going to prepare for the remaining five nights. Then, on the night before the first judgment day, I will try to calm myself, pray and get a good night's sleep.


I will still try my best to equip myself. But I really beseech God to help me utilize what I have gained during my preparation on the judgment days.


Please help me, God.


My Santa Story

Posted by ayeshajaafar on October 2, 2012 at 1:35 AM Comments comments (0)

I am non-Christian, but I grew up with a Christian family (Catholic, to be exact). So I also used to have notions about that fat guy who gives gifts to nice children in Christmas they call Santa Claus. Every Christmas, I would go with the other children in my Lola's compound, wearing my newly bought, neatly pressed dress and behave in the best manner possible, believing that if I do so, Santa would give me a gift.

I used to do the same thing every year, although, I found no hints that a fat guy in red came and gave me a gift. And although I received a lot of gifts, I knew that they didn't come from Santa Claus. But I kept on believing. I feel happy each time I see a "Santa hat", boots, belt, socks and red velvet trousers. I also wrote letters to the guy and told him what I want. I even remember asking God in one of my prayers to tell Santa if he could give me some sort of a non-tangible gift. "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" even became one of my favorite Christmas songs. I also asked the question "Where does Santa Claus live?" and imagined where he parks his sleigh pulled by his red-nosed reindeer Rudolph when he lands.

As I grew up, I realized, however, that there are a lot of controversies about Santa's existence. There are groups who argue that the concept of Santa Claus capitalizes Christmas and makes many people forget the real reason for the occasion. I came to establish then, that Santa is a legendary character, and the concept of his existence is used to pacify kids throwing tantrums.

Legendary as it may seem, I came to love and appreciate the lesson behind believing in Santa Claus. Because if we believe in Santa Claus, we know that "he sees you when you're sleeping", "he knows when you're awake" and "he knows if you've been bad or good". I love the concept for whether or not Santa Claus exists, there is still the Supreme Being who knows everything about us. Whatever we may call that Supreme Being, and whether it is Santa Claus or that Supreme Being who will do it, it is important to note that good deeds are rewarded. And so we have to "be good for goodness' sake".

How I wish we could translate and apply the lyrics of this song in a manner that would be understable and doable for adults.

So now, does Santa really exist? Based on my Santa story, I believe that he is a legendary character. But his lessons are real. And I wish to retract the first statement I made in the second paragraph of this essay. There is actually a hint that he gave me a gift. His gift is the very good lesson that I have to be good. This is my Santa Story :)

Who?

Posted by ayeshajaafar on September 26, 2012 at 12:00 AM Comments comments (0)

Who, between the two of us, came late and did not understand what happened in the past?

Who, between the two of us, flattered  other people in the field to get what she wants?

Who, between the two of us, really wants to get our mom's crown?

Who, between the two of us, felt bad because she thinks that the crown will not be given to her?

Who, between the two of us, befriended the villain to have extra powers?

Who, between the two of us, despite the villain's promises and help, bashed her sister in front of other people?

Who, between the two of us, desperately wanted to become a princess and would be willing to do everything just to be one?

Tell me, who?

Wish

Posted by ayeshajaafar on September 24, 2012 at 4:25 AM Comments comments (0)

May God help me fulfill my dreams...

Why Can't I Realize?

Posted by ayeshajaafar on September 19, 2012 at 10:15 PM Comments comments (0)

Everyday

I'm in the same way

The first thing I do

Is to think of you


My day would start

With that same spark

Praying for you

That everything's good


And even if you

Don't do it too

Why can't I realize

That you don't mind?


You've already shown me

The worst you can be

But why can't I realize

That I'm such a blind?


Why can't I realize

I'm not the one you like?

When will I ever learn

That I don't matter?

The Oblivious Me

Posted by ayeshajaafar on September 18, 2012 at 11:05 PM Comments comments (0)

It seems that I have become oblivious of the real score between the two of us. I got carried away by your superficial sweetness that I expect something more.

It seems that I have forgotten that people really never forgive. They only know how to say "Let's forget the past" and "Let's move on" and they will call you immature if you insist on resolving the problems first before going on to the next thing, but in reality, they seem to forget everything they taught you when they got caught in the same situation.

It seems that I have become so unmindful that I was deliberately avoided and my attempts of talking about our past to resolve our misunderstandings are shunned.

Now, since I am an obedient girl, I tried to leave all those things behind, and as you have suggested, "move on", thinking that I am moving on with you. I have never realized that I am moving on alone, without you, and the sad thing is when I looked back, I found out that you were left behind.

This forgetful soul is caught in a confusing instance, not knowing which way to go and what to do next. I look up to you, and I am full of hopes that an intelligent person like you could practice what he preaches. The oblivious me is waiting for you.

So, Who's Gonna Be with Martha? A scenario of perceptual defense in the workplace

Posted by ayeshajaafar on April 22, 2009 at 10:22 PM Comments comments (0)

Highlands University has been existent since the year 1904. It offers various courses focusing in the field of health sciences. It was founded by a doctor and is presently run by his descendants. Despite of its relatively low salary offer, the employees of Highlands University are known to be loyal to the institution because of their healthy relationship with one another.

 

            As an employer, Highlands University tries to comply with all the requirements and standards set for the operation of an institution. Its compensation is low, but never fails to give all the mandatory benefits of the employees on time. They monitor their employees well. They conduct the employees’ performance evaluation and rates the employees based on their performance. The administrators of the institution value several things in an employee, but most of all they value loyalty and integrity to the institution. Chances are given to erring employees usually by not automatically terminating them, but giving them warnings and a chance to change in other departments. Of course, they also value the existence of the institution because it is a means of livelihood for them and it is a business. So their focus is more on the students and the employees are secondary.

 

            Aside from being a livelihood to the owners, the other mission of the school is to educate and cooperate in the development of the community. So the owners value people who can contribute to the institution, among other factors.

 

 As part of the requirements for universities specified by the Commission on Higher Education, Highlands University has one main library and several satellite libraries for different courses. At present, there are seventeen librarians working full time for Highlands University. All of them have a degree in Library Science except for Rosalinda Oledan who has another degree since her original position is clerical at the Office of the Vice President for Academic Affairs. Out of the sixteen who are librarians by profession, nine are licensed librarians.

 

            Out of the seventeen librarians, nine were designated at the different sections of the main library while the other eight librarians were assigned at the different satellite libraries. During regular semesters, the librarians have different schedules. So it is normal that they don’t eat together or go home at the same time. It is only during semester breaks that librarians are having the same schedule.

 

            Since the librarians have the same schedules during semester break, the groupings that exist within them are very noticeable during this time. One could observe the familial relationship that bonds these employees. They have lunch together, they register time together, and they wait for each other at the main library before they go home. The roster of librarians is complete. “Full force” as they described it. Everybody is present, except for one—Martha Cortes.

 

            Martha was a graduate of Bachelor of Education Major in Library Science from another university in Manila. She has been connected with Highlands University for more than 31 years. She has experienced to be assigned at the different sections of the main library, as well as the satellite libraries.

 

            She is married to Jose Cortes, a staff in the registrar’s office of Highlands University. The two have two children who used to study in Highlands University during grade school as privilege granted to the employees who have children.

 

            By nature, Martha is a quiet person. She doesn’t talk too much; yet when she speaks, she says things clearly and firmly. She pronounces words with diction which will at first make you think that she is angry with you. But she doesn’t spread gossips. When she was being asked of the latest happenings about her colleagues, she usually doesn’t know what to answer.

 

            Martha is a good worker. She comes to office on time and whenever needed. She is always able to meet all her deadlines, and submits high quality work. She is very productive and one could say that Martha really performs well. This could be proven by various files and records of the work that employees submit periodically.

 

            Nevertheless, she is usually alone. She doesn’t mingle with her fellow librarians. She seldom joins the group. It only happens when the director of libraries calls for overall staff meetings. But beyond that, no more. Her fellow librarians also don’t mention her name that much. She just comes into the scene when it is really needed.

 

            It was mid 2008 when the two youngest librarians came. They were Analiza Reyes, 23 and Abigail Cruz, 22. Analiza arrived one week earlier than Abigail. So to conserve energy and time, Mrs. Karina Gracias, the university librarian, decided to introduce both of them to all the library staff when Abigail has already arrived. So during the library tour for the two new librarians, Mrs. Gracias introduced them to all the library staff in the main library as well as the satellite libraries.

 

            Both of them thought that there were only sixteen of them. But during the introduction, they were surprised to find out that they were actually seventeen. It was just that the librarians don’t mention about Martha Cortes, who was then assigned at the grade school library. When Mrs. Gracias introduced the two to Martha, the latter didn’t go out of her library. She just smiled a little and nothing more.

 

            When the three went back to their posts, Analiza and Abigail wondered why Martha Cortes was like that. They tried to begin looking for hints about her.

 

            Analiza and Abigail were lucky to be included in the company outing of Highlands University. This is an annual activity of the institution to give their employees a break and to express gratitude for all the blessings that the company has. Like any other companies, the employees went into groups. They joined their respective departments.

 

            The group of librarians went intact, of course, together with Analiza and Abigail. But, they noticed that Martha Cortes was not there. They heard somebody said that she joined another group. When the checker of the attendance went to the cottage of the librarians, he seemed to know immediately that Martha was not there. So instead of going to just one place to make all the librarians sign at once, he still needed to find Martha. During lunch time, they went to the house of Mrs. Gracias. Knowing that Martha is not around, Mrs. Gracias still made a remark that she is happy because they are complete.

 

            After the company outing, Mrs. Gracias announced that there will be a staff meeting to discuss the new assignments and designations of the librarians. Almost everyone in the library is against this move. So during that time, most of them cannot work properly. During that time too, they heard Magdalene delos Reyes, the librarian assigned at the Circulation Section at that moment told Feliza Perez, the then Cataloger, that she didn’t want to be assigned with Martha Cortes.

 

            Abigail heard that and got curious. So she asked Feliza why they didn’t want to work with Martha. All Feliza said was “observe”.  Analiza heard that, too. So as they were told, they observed the situations.

 

            Sometimes, they see Martha at the administration building logging in. There, they had the chance to talk. One time, to their surprise, Martha greeted them. So the two wondered, “Is she really that bad?”

 

            During the staff meeting, their new assignments were revealed. After that, Mrs. Gracias asked for other concerns and problems. Trying to uphold the proper conduct for librarians stated in the Librarians’ Code of Ethics, and trying so hard to perform her duties too as the head, she wanted to patch up the problems, if there are. So Martha raised the issue that she noticed that Rosalinda does not talk to her, nor greets her. She said that all she could remember was that it started when Rosalinda borrowed the grade school books for evaluation and when Martha was taking it back because it still needs to be checked by the faculty and School Principal, Rosalinda got angry. So she apologized on the spot to Rosalinda. But to everyone’s astonishment, Rosalinda refused to accept her apology.

 

            After the meeting, the other librarians gave different comments; almost all were in favor of Rosalinda. Arsenia Tayag, one of the librarians, said that something is really wrong with Martha’s attitude. Melanie De Castro and Feliza Perez supported Arsenia’s claim and cited the instance when Martha allegedly attacked them by going to the Technical Processing Office one time and confronted them.

 

Like Martha, Rosalinda tries to perform her tasks, to the best of her knowledge. But Rosalinda is a more active person. She tries her best to speak with everyone. She is extroverted. She is very convincing when she says something. She is easily believed by her co-workers as she says things with conviction. She acknowledged and appreciated the comments in favor of her given by the other librarians. As a normal response of a person, Rosalinda loved to gather comments which are in favor of her. So, she really tends to be closer to those people who also had bad experiences with Martha.

 

Rosalinda is also confident, for like Martha, she has been in the institution for 31 years. Hence, she is believed to know the ins and outs of the Highlands University. Yet, Rosalinda is a sensitive person. She easily gets affected with the movement and actions of the people around her and tends to be so conscious with them. She usually waits for the orders of the boss before acting on certain matters and directly reports everything verbatim to the boss, as she is not a librarian. As a result, there is one instance when the client would have to wait for a very long time for Mrs. Gracias to arrive because Rosalinda said that she didn’t want to take the responsibility of signing a clearance and she didn’t want to call and ask Martha if the client is clear of library obligations. Because of the client, who was an alumnus got annoyed and said that the institution hasn’t changed and processes are still long. She is also very vocal and comments on almost everything.

 

            The situation remained like that for the succeeding days. The two new librarians nevertheless observed and tried to be neutral, despite the fact that they were bombarded with stories about Martha’s shortcomings. They still tried their best to act professionally and not to take sides while trying to befriend both parties. Days later, they became close to Martha and they realized that they had been misinformed of her true character. They also realized that while it is true that Martha is very distant from perfection and informal standards set by their colleagues, she nevertheless does so many things for the benefit of the organization and other people which were mostly misinterpreted.

 

            Abigail and Analiza tried to ask Martha why she confronted Feliza. She explained that she did not confront her. She just tried to find out why they were not answering the phone.

 

            Meanwhile, the two noticed that the same feeling towards Martha was being kept by the other librarians. There was no one who wanted to be with her. One time, the phone rang and it was Martha who was in the other line. She was confirming about a meeting regarding the accreditation so she could prepare the necessary documents. After her conversation with Amelia Sison, the acquisitions librarian who tries to be in good terms with everybody, talks about Martha began to spread again. They were saying that she was demanding and trying hard to act as if she was a boss.

 

            During Abigail’s birthday, she bought food for lunch for the seventeen librarians. But nobody attempted to call Martha when it was already lunch time. When Martha called before signing a clearance, Analiza and Abigail made a remark in favor of her. According to them, Martha was right in calling the other satellite libraries before signing the clearance to check if the person asking for it was really cleared of library obligations. But the other librarians said that she was just pretending to be doing her work to make it appear that the other librarians are not doing their work properly.

 

            In July, the painter that the Highlands University hired finished painting the murals for the grade school library. Analiza was the librarian there. She was surprised when Rosalinda commended her because according to her, the librarians who were previously assigned there had done nothing. Analiza didn’t say anything because she knew that Rosalinda was specifically referring to Martha who was then assigned as the grade school librarian.

 

            In August, librarians Arlyn and Susan tendered their resignation. Due to that, Abigail was designated in the circulation section with Rosalinda. One afternoon, a graduate student was looking for a material in the Graduate School library where Martha was assigned. Unfortunately, the remaining copy of the material was only available at the circulation section of the main library. So Martha went to the main library as this is supposed to be done by a librarian, as implied in the Code of Ethics. She requested the material from Abigail and thanked her with a smile.

 

            When she left, Rosalinda rolled her eyes and sarcastically asked Abigail, “how is she?” Abigail responded with a very positive tone as she is so happy that Martha is doing that for a client. She said Martha was alright and was very kind. Rosalinda responded in a negative tone, and sarcastically asked, “really?” and said that there were so many people who hated Martha. She once again said that she could not forgive her because she has done so much to her and she really didn’t like her attitude.

 

            One rainy lunch time, the classes were suspended so the schedule of the librarians was 8AM to 5PM. They had lunch together. The phone suddenly rang and it was Martha who was calling to confirm about a memorandum she received. Edelina was the one who answered the phone. After their conversation, Rosalinda mockingly asked, “who is that, your boss?” Once more, all of them have their own stories of conflict with Martha. According to Edelina, she once had a conflict with Martha because of the leave of absence form which according to Edelina is no longer her responsibility, but Martha is insisting that she should have returned it to her upon receipt.  Analiza and Abigail just listened to Rosalinda who was at that time beginning to be furious and tactlessly lamented “I hope she dies” and they all laughed.

 

            In September, Mrs. Gracias issued a memo and all the librarians were informed, except for Martha. The memo was about the last day of borrowing books. Rosalinda was the one bringing the memo. When she was asked if Martha has already read about it she just shrugged. But it was Abigail who bought the memo to Martha. But since Abigail is a bit late because the memo was still with Rosalinda, Martha was not able to implement the rule right away and there were some inconsistencies. Because of that three clients complained because the main library is no longer lending books but the graduate school still does. They thought that the different unit libraries are implementing different rules.

 

            In the succeeding days, there were correspondences which were not relayed to Martha since Rosalinda was the one in-charge with them. It was only through Analiza and Abigail that Martha gets the news, or through his husband who has an acquaintance and very good friend from the HR who reproduces the memos for Martha. Whenever there are letters coming from the human resource department, the file copy coming from the library is usually the last one returned to the HR because nobody because most of them do not want to go to Martha and let her read the letters so they still have to wait for the janitor or messenger to come. One time, the HR personnel made a follow up regarding a memo, thinking that the librarians had lost their copy because they haven’t returned anything yet.

 

            As part of the celebration of the National Book Week, the librarians decided to come up with a book fair. There needs to be a separate book fair for the grade school and high school and the higher education. Martha was assigned at the higher education committee. Mrs. Gracias had a difficulty in giving assignments to Rosalinda because she doesn’t want to be assigned with Martha nor to stay in the library alone to finish some clerical tasks. But she couldn’t be assigned with the basic education committee because she does not know anything about what is supposed to be done there.

 

            One October afternoon, Martha went to the main library and gave Abigail a cone of ice cream. Everyone who saw that rolled their eyes and said that Martha was just pretending to keep Abigail under her control. Once again, during the release of their uniform, Martha was not informed. When they saw Martha hugged Abigail, they sarcastically said that Abigail might have put Martha under a spell.

 

            One morning, Rosalinda was very happy with the Horoscope that she read from a newspaper because it stated that people born under the same zodiac sign as hers should be glad because they are not like the people they don’t like or hate. Reading horoscopes is an activity that Rosalinda usually does in the morning to look for her fortune and have something to share with her co-workers.

 

            Abigail decided to leave Highlands University in October.  In her last days, she had given positive comments about Martha. But nobody seemed to be interested whenever Martha comes into the picture. Abigail felt that her fellow librarians just didn’t want to get into trouble with her but they didn’t believe her. In the final meeting that Abigail attended, only she and Analiza dared to talk to Martha. When a proposal for the new library building was brought up, everyone seemed to be against it because it stated that all the unit libraries will be merged into one building-- meaning, all of them will be working in just one area. Again there were talks about Martha and somebody jokingly asked “Who’s going to be assigned near Martha’s section?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note: The names of people and place were changed for confidentiality purposes

 


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