The Wanderer's Site

The moment that I have been waiting for has finally come. The results of my second day of judgment were released. Sadly, I did not make it. Now, it's really breaking my heart.

I do not want to be bitter about this. But I have spent so much time preparing for it. I have used it as my only reason for celebration. I have depended on it so much. I was actually expecting that this would be my moment to talk to my favorite teacher. I have even made this as a reason for her and my family and o...

Last night, I had another dream that I don't understand. I dreamed about the time when Lola was about to die. She wore the same duster she was wearing in our picture. She was also very weak. In my dream, I felt the same agony and pain that I felt when she died in 2011. It was a very long and vague dream.

I do not understand what my dream means. Why did I dream about her? I want to believe that she is a lucky sign in my dreams because when she was included in my dream before...

Last night, I had a dream that really woke me up. I dreamed that I took an unidentified exam with a familiar teacher from high school as the proctor. Then I suddenly felt that I had to pee so I left the room and went to the CR. When I went back to the room, the exam was already checked and I got 1/2 of the perfect score. It wasn't mentioned in my dream whether I passed or failed the exam. I just got 1/2 of the perfect score and I don't know what it meant. But in my dream, I managed to somehow...

Happy New Year! It's been a while since my last post. I have almost forgotten to update this blog. I've been very busy for the past days.

Anyway, I had a great time last Christmas season. I got more gifts than last year. Though I still miss the activities that we used to do before, generally I celebrated the season happily, and with a much lighter feeling than last year. Well, I can't still say that this is perfect because I have not totally recovered what I have lost in the...

As I have written in my last post, I really tried to convince myself that I failed during my first day of judgment. So I was still worried last Friday, but the expectations were less.

But yesterday, I don't know why I tried to check the website even if I was already thinking that the results might not be released on a weekend. And thank heavens, I checked it. I found out that my name was there. I am really very happy about it. Though I became overconfident at first that I w...

It's been 45 days since my first day of judgment. Now I'm going nuts about the results. I'm still hopeful, but I'm losing confidence. Especially the other night, when I dreamed that I passed. I really got scared after that, because as the saying goes, "the reverse scenario of what you have dreamed of will happen in reality". Now, I am more afraid.

I was expecting the results since Monday. I tried to check on their website, thinking that they might post it earlier than expect...

Dear God,

I thank You for being with me during my days of judgment. I know that there were times during those days when I felt that I was alone, but I'm sure You were there. I thank You for the strength that You have given me while I was taking those ordeals. I thank You that I have at least survived those days and the aftermath.

God, You know that I have exerted so much effort for those days. I am not sure if what I did was enough for me to expect favorabl...

As I am becoming more nervous about my second day of judgment, I have noticed that I am performing less at work. And now that I only have 5 whole days and 6 nights before that day, I felt lazier and more worried. It's as if my body is in the office, performing some mechanical tasks, but my mind is somewhere else, focused on my second day of judgment and my preparations for it. It's as if I don't like to work. And so it lead me to reading stuff from the Internet.

As I was rea...

I'm sure this post would make the "mature" and the "strong" raise their eyebrows and say "Tadz cannot move on again". The "strong" might even say that I am "romanticizing the past".

Say whatever you want, but you cannot change me. This is how much I love Lola. And I will write about her as long as I want. I do not need your advice anyway, nor do I ask for your opinion. So whatever you say, I don't give...

I am not a professional blogger and I must admit that I am a bit of a "ningas-kugon" when it comes to blogging. Of course, I like the idea of writing about my favorite moments and cherishing memories. But sometimes, I feel awkward with my own posts. At times, I think I am being too cheesy. I also wonder if the entries I write are worth posting. Sometimes, I ask myself: what would others think of my posts?

But as I was thinking of blogging and what it could do for me, I reali...